God, Why Won’t You Heal?
A little over 7 years ago my world was forever sweetly rocked when Grace Anne came into this world. In the midst of having a very difficult time getting pregnant, God truly woke me up in the middle of the night (a first time, for sure) with the verse Genesis 17:21, which said, “But my covenant I will establish with Isaac, whom Sarah will bear to you by this time next year.”
Yes, most would say this was a random one, but for a girl longing to become pregnant, oh, it was a sweet promise from God. I kid you not when I say that our due date for Miss Grace was the week exactly one year from the night God woke me up with this promise.
Extremely thankful I stood and now stand for this promise that the Lord gave me minutes and now years into her life. Her little life has been filled with much intensity- intensity which began when she was taken from me to another hospital hours after she was born, due to a medical complication.
Complications that followed, to name a few…at six months old she began an eleven month battle with seizures, was put into a body cast at ten months old due to hip dysplasia, had surgery to receive a feeding tube at seventeen months old and the challenges for my girl continued. What diagnosis does she have? A question asked by many, to which my husband sarcastically responds, “Grace-itis” to which I say, “ A God thing.”
Darkness soon came over this Jesus believing mommy when the hits would not stop coming. If you are God, why won’t you heal her? The world is praying. I’m not so sure if I believe in you anymore. This is all too much, what if I killed myself? Yes, all of these dark and intense feelings and thoughts filled my mind as I questioned God in the midst of feeling angry and alone.
The word of God, “Choose life,” from Deuteronomy 30:19, the words from a lady’s testimony and the hand of Jesus freed me from this dark place. Praise Him big time.
Do I still get angry when God is not coming through for a need of my daughter? Yes. But in that dark season I said YES to Him. Yes to your ways Lord.
I am still saying yes to the Lord with my daughter. The hits aren’t as intense, but the battle is daily. The roller coaster is constant. Yes and thank you that Grace is seizure free, walks and runs (though her hips are still out of socket), and now eats on her own without a feeding tube. Just to name a few of the victories the Lord has done.
However, our daughter is seven and still can’t talk more than a few words and is not potty trained. I choose to say yes to you Lord even though this isn’t comfortable or fun or seeming fair that we can’t do and be like the “normal” family I thought I would have.
Choosing to keep my eyes up, not on my circumstances has been my theme song. “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:18 Oh, the unseen and eternal things He has done are amazingly mind blowing!
From giving us a foreclosed amazing house in the special needs school district that is down the street from one of my best Jesus loving friends, to placing her in the class with the same teaching assistant that I had when I taught, and the list goes forever on…we get to have a front row seat to see the beautiful work and hand of God because of Grace Anne, child of promise.