Who am I, anyway?

“Cease striving and know that I am God.” Ps. 46:10 (NASB)

Lately, my life feels like the navigation app on my IPhone. The dotted circle is spinning and the “rerouting” message is blinking over and over again. Dreams are detoured and expectations are delayed. I’m left trying to figure out where I am, what requires action and what needs stillness.  Feeling restless and vulnerable and not knowing where I’m headed, I find myself grasping for significance in my roles as a woman.

These uncertain times stir in me a misplaced desire to prove myself. It stems from a weakness that surfaces when I realize I have no control over my circumstances. The problem here is that it’s all about me–who or what I’m striving to be in the eyes of the world in order to compensate for my uneasiness.

I’m out of breath. Discouraged.

Then something profound dawns on me as I race around in my search for significance.  My true identity as a woman is not based on my various roles as a wife, mom, friend, volunteer or Bible teacher. OR in my frenzied attempts to eat healthy, exercise consistently,  decorate my home or dress fashionably.  No, my true, blessed identity is in Jesus. Period. I am found most completely in the person I am in Christ.

When I push Jesus aside and seek to define my worth in other ways, thinking they will somehow satisfy me, I’m left hollow and exhausted. Who I am (wife, mom, etc) and what I want to become (healthy, etc) are not bad things at all, but I must embrace the truth continually that my wholeness is based solely in being known, loved, forgiven and redeemed by Jesus.

C.S. Lewis said, “Your real, new self (which is Christ’s and also yours, and yours just because it is His) will not come as long as you are looking for it. It will come when you are looking for HimGive up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it.

So today I choose to die to all I’m striving to be apart from Christ and rest in the most perfect blessing in my life, my salvation in Him.  He’s my true worth and I am significant in the eyes of my Heavenly Father because when He sees me, He sees His Son–not because of anything I have done, but only because of all He did for me.

I can already feel myself breathing a little easier.

~Courtney

 

 

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