How Do I Get What She Has?
Born as an American west-Indian our household observed Hinduism as our religion like the majority from this part of the world. My parents weren’t devout Hindus, but they did what they felt was necessary to comply with the customs. I watched my Mom pray in front of an altar with a picture or a statue of a god every Sunday. I was one to never follow suit when it came down to praying at an altar. I never understood the religion. I always felt something was missing but I just didn’t know what.
I became a young bride at 18 and a mom at 21. Let’s just say we were both “hot headed.” I had no clue how to truly be a wife and respect my husband. As time passed we did eventually divorce after 21 years of marriage. I kept praying but didn’t know what I was praying to and still felt empty and alone. My heart was nothing but a cold, dark, black hole. I didn’t share my pain with anyone; I just stayed quiet and dealt with it alone.
In 1999, I started working for a finance company in New York. One person who stands out the most for me is a dear co-worker, (who is now my dear sister in Christ). Her name is Leticia. When I saw the love and joy that she was experiencing, I said to myself, “I WANT THAT – HOW DO I GET WHAT SHE HAS?” I had no idea what it meant to have Christ in my life.
So Leticia took me on a journey. From time to time we talked and she listened to my issues; and throughout our talks she would always refer to the Bible as her book of life. She always said to me “Look to God for all your answers; leave your problems at the foot of the cross and let God in so that he can show you a new way.” As much as I wanted to know more about Christ I still felt ashamed. I believe it had to do with the thought of abandoning the Hindu beliefs that my parents taught me over the years. Much to my surprise the next day I went to work and there was a women’s devotional Bible on my desk.
I was ecstatic and scared at the same time because here is a woman who loves the Lord so much that she was willing to share God’s beautiful words with someone as flawed as me! The following year I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. Words can not describe the peace and grace I felt that evening. It was like He just picked me up wiped my tears and mended my heart all at the same time. On days when I feel lost and alone I always go back to that evening and remember how safe I was in His arms. My Daddy, how wonderful and loving He is.
After my divorce, I felt it was time to grow up so I made some changes. I left my hometown of New York and moved to Houston, Texas, leaving all the old baggage behind. I had no job lined up except for my savings. (Talk about stepping out in faith!) I prayed a lot about the move and deep in my heart I know God was guiding me and telling me, “it’s a new start for you, do not fear.”
This was my second chance at living this life God’s way not mine. Was I scared? Yes. Was I terrified I made the wrong decision? Yes… but I stayed in faith and believed God was going to provide for all my needs. Since then I have been blessed to find a job I enjoy and joined a wonderful church making some meaningful friendships. Have I grown up yet? I’m still growing. I still have some personal struggles, but I wake up knowing I serve a wonderful God who loves me, only He knows the plans He has for me, plans to prosper and not harm me; plans to give me hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
*Note: The author’s name is a pseudonym.