How Do I Get What She Has?
I was born as an American west-Indian for most households the observed religion is Hinduism. My parents weren’t devout Hindus, but they did what they felt was necessary to comply with the customs. I watched my Mom pray in front of an altar with a picture or a statue of a god every Sunday. I was one to never follow suit when it came down to praying at an altar. I never understood the religion. I always felt something was missing but I just didn’t know what.
I became a young bride at 18 and a mom at 21. Let’s just say we were both “Hot headed.” I had no clue how to truly be a wife and respect my husband. As time passed we did eventually divorce after 21 years of marriage. I kept praying but didn’t know what I was praying to and still felt empty and alone. My heart was nothing but a cold, dark, black hole. I didn’t share my pain with anyone; I just stayed quiet and dealt with it alone.
In 1999, I started working for a finance company in New York. One person who stands out the most for me is a dear co-worker, (who is now my dear sister in Christ) her name is Leticia. When I saw the love and joy that she was experiencing, I said to myself, “I WANT THAT – HOW DO I GET WHAT SHE HAS?” I had no idea what it meant to have Christ in my life.
So Leticia took me on a journey. From time to time we talked and she listened to my issues; and throughout our talks she would always refer to the Bible as her book of life. She always said to me “Look to God for all your answers; leave your problems at the foot of the cross and let God in so that he can show you a new way.” As much as I wanted to know more about Christ I still felt ashamed. I believe it had to do with the thought of abandoning the Hindu beliefs that my parents taught me over the years. Much to my surprise the next day I went to work and there was a women’s devotional Bible on my desk.
I was ecstatic and scared at the same time because here is a woman who loves the Lord so much that she was willing to share God’s beautiful words with someone as flawed as me! The following year I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. Words can not describe the peace and grace I felt that evening. It was like He just picked me up wiped my tears and mended my heart all at the same time. On days when I feel lost and alone I always go back to that evening and remember how safe I was in His arms. My Daddy, how wonderful and loving He is.
After my divorce, I felt it was time to grow up so I made some changes. So, I left New York my hometown and moved to Houston, Texas leaving all the old baggage behind. I had no job lined up except for my savings. (talk about stepping out in faith!) I prayed a lot about the move and deep in my heart I know God was guiding me, telling me: “it’s a new start for you, do not fear.”
This was my second chance at living this life God’s way not mine. Was I scared yes, was I terrified I made the wrong decision yes… but I stayed in faith and believed God was going to provide for all my needs. Since then I have been blessed to find a job I enjoy and joined a wonderful church making some meaningful friendships. Have I grown up yet … I’m still growing. I still have some personal struggles, but I wake up knowing I serve a wonderful God who loves me, only He knows the plans He has for me, plans to prosper and not harm me; plans to give me hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
*Note: The author’s name is a pseudonym.