The Invisible Woman

“Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home.  She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His word.” (Lk 8:38,39)

This year is the first year in the last 7 years where I do not have a personal goal.  7 years ago I got married, then shortly after I had my first born, 20 months later I had my second born and 6 months ago I adopted my last after a 2 year process.

Though my days are full taking care of my 3 young boys, I find myself desperately wanting something to work towards other than folding laundry.  My days look the same every single day…weekday and weekend.  When people ask how I am doing, I feel I have nothing to report.  “Oh the usual…taking care of the boys,” becomes the extent of my conversation.

Though my days are incredibly full taking care of 3 boys, my heart feels empty.  When I sit in stillness I can feel depressed.  I feel invisible.  I look at social media and it seems like everyone is doing something significant…ministry, mission trips, working, having more babies, writing books, etc…

As I desperately think about projects I can take on to fill my heart again, I feel the Lord telling me to stop and to be still.  Why is stillness so hard? Why is feeling invisible to the world so hard?  It’s because everything dwindles down to just me and God.

I’ve realized how much significance and identity I have placed in personal and public accomplishment.  I have used projects to fill my heart and to feel important. ‘Doing’ has become more important than ‘being’.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with goals and accomplishments.  In fact, God calls us to put our faith in action (Js. 2:14-26).  However, for me, when I have nothing to do, I’ve realized I’m not comfortable with being invisible to the world and being visible only to God.  The world has become more important to me than the Lord Himself.

I am so thankful the Lord is more concerned about my personal holiness than what I ‘do’ for Him.  Stillness is hard (Ps. 46:10).  However, as I am experiencing it, I am beginning to like not ‘striving’ all the time.  I am beginning to see the face of Jesus again and to savor Him.  I am starting to feel treasured and visible again by the One who created me.

I am encouraged by Bunmi who shares her story of finding delight in being known by the Lord. For any of you who feel invisible, who feel like what you do or who you are does not matter, let me encourage you to cease striving. Sit at the feet of Jesus and you will feel more visible and alive than you have felt in a long time. He loves you and wants YOU. The greatest King in all the world claps for joy and dances over you when He sees you (Zeph.3:17). You are not invisible.

Edna Lee

 

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