As a highly productive twenty something year old I had a house, a boat, lots of friends, a loving family, and a great job. Then in the blink of an eye my life fell apart. Always the risk taker looking for fun, I saw no reason not to experiment with drugs. I progressed from a recreational drug and alcohol user for 13 years to a daily user of methamphetamine for another 6 years. Somewhere along the way, it became a necessity and a living hell. In my years as a drug addict I lost my home, my cars, and honest relationships with my family
After a few years as a functional drug addict, I began to cry out to the Lord. Exhausted and guilty, I hated being dependent on a drug for my happiness. I wanted my life back but every time I tried to quit the depression became so extreme I would go back to the drug for relief. My entire life I gained significance as an overachiever, feeling accepted because of my performance. I wrongly believed God expected me just to try harder and clean myself up.
In my attempt to clean myself up I sold my assets. I also fell in love with a musician named Steve who lived in another state, convincing him that if I just left my environment I could get clean. I thought the move would not only clean me up but make me acceptable to God. I also thought the love I had for Steve would satisfy me. It didn’t work. Three weeks in my new locale I went right back to the drugs which led to our break up. After a year and a half, I returned home broken and homeless.
I decided my next move would be to confess to my dad and ask for help. I just had to muster up the courage. But before I could, my dad unexpectedly died of heart failure at 54 years old. When I received the call it seemed as if my heart was ripped out of my chest. As daddy’s little girl, he loved me unconditionally and I couldn’t fathom life without him.
I told God I would NEVER get clean, knowing it would be too painful to live drug free with the loss and regret. If I couldn’t get clean when life’s problems didn’t include death, there seemed no way I could do so now. So I quit trying. And it turned out to be exactly what God wanted.
A wonderful Christian friend whom I had done drugs with loved me without judgment. She comforted me in my grief and talked about Jesus. Thirsty for God’s mercy I soaked in her words. She invited me to church but I didn’t see the relevance of church. Jesus-yes; church- no. I assumed the people who went to church were perfect and certainly wouldn’t accept me as a drug user. My friend told me about a Christian radio station and I began to listen.
Without making promises to God or feeling like I needed to perform, I approached God with a meth pipe in one hand and a Bible in the other. I did so for over a year and an amazing thing happened. I realized God loved me unconditionally just like my dad. I knew that if my dad could have died to save me from drugs, he absolutely would have. And in that moment God revealed to me His grace: Jesus did die to save me from drugs. With the freedom to come to Him while entangled in my addiction, He healed me from the inside out.
I saturated my mind in His word, learning the truth about my identity as a new creation in Christ. I fell so in love with Jesus and my faith grew. The Holy Spirit began to transform me, giving me new desires and new power. I recognized addiction not as a disease or something I had to live with but instead sin which had already been handled at the cross. So six years into my addiction, the Lord delivered me from hopelessness to a life of great joy!
I have been free from drugs for over 12 years and have no desire for them. God restored all I lost, including marriage to Steve for 10 years. My mom and I are closer than ever and she is now a strong believer, and I rejoice that one day I will see my dad again. I am thankful to be able to help others in the same situation and watch them fall in love with Jesus and find freedom. (Read more stories about freedom from addiction)
“God works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28