My husband and I married 8 years ago, and at the altar I joked that kids would come 2 to 3 years down the line. That would be time enough to just be “us” and then I’d be 31-ish when our first child arrived. God even gave us the name Elijah years before we became pregnant. We were sitting in church and the sermon was about Elijah. We instantaneously looked at each other and said that would be a good name for a son.
A couple years later we experienced an unplanned pregnancy and miscarriage just when I started grad school. I remember selfishly questioning how I could care for a baby and complete school at the same time. Never did I imagine, though, that nearly two more years would pass before becoming pregnant again. I like to call it “delayed fertility” because testing showed nothing was wrong with either one of us. I believe God delayed my pregnancy because of His will and His timing.
As time went on I struggled through the process of waiting which included a range of emotions: anger, optimism, impatience, anticipation, frustration – depending on the day. I received numerous unsolicited comments and advice which sometimes stung, anything from how we “needed” to have a baby to “this is how you get pregnant…” I privately cried at times due to disbelief of things not going the way I wanted or thought they should. On a “good” day I felt like my husband and I were in it together. On a bad day I felt alone and like no one really knew what it was like for me. Even the man who was trying to conceive with me.
BUT I knew what God promised us and held on to hope. Once it got to the stage of the doctor suggesting fertility treatments I knew it was all the more out of my hands. And, when I finally surrendered the promise itself and the desire, I conceived. The funny thing is I tried one short round of meds and they didn’t work as intended. Yet I was pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy at 35 years old and just shy of our 6th year anniversary. On display in Elijah’s room hangs a verse we stood on, “For this child I prayed and the Lord answered…” 1 Samuel 1:27-28.
I can honestly say the Lord answered our prayers concerning Elijah in a multitude of ways, down to the smallest of details. I see them every day. From maintaining peace in my birthing room, to keeping Elijah and I safe through a complication and him coming naturally to even being able to stay in a big room versus being moved to a small one (sorry, I have a big family of loved ones). These are just a few examples of how God truly “delights in the details” as it pertains to my son. And now, without fretting through a long process, we welcomed a second son.
So I’d say to any woman in the waiting process – trust Him. I witnessed the Lord’s faithfulness and believe even more than ever that His timing and plans are best even when it doesn’t feel good or it’s downright horrible. I learned to trust Him more through my waiting experience. The miracle is that in being in Christ we CAN wait and experience things unimaginable when the wait comes to fruition. This wait wasn’t the first time and I know it won’t be the last for me. Yet, who better to wait on than the One who is faithful?