Have you ever wrestled with feelings of loneliness? Me too. Growing up as an only child, I became familiar with isolation from a young age. Moving away for college and starting life as a young single adult forced me to be self-sufficient quickly. I value my sense of independence, and living alone does have its perks. However, seclusion can easily trigger feelings of inadequacy. Negative thoughts follow: “You’re unwanted. No one cares.” This spiral of negative thoughts ends with the most crippling voice of all: “YOU ARE ALONE! How can God be good?”
If any of these thoughts resonate with you, you’re not alone. Loneliness is never proof against God’s goodness; instead, God uses the suffering of loneliness to draw us closer to His steadfast love and provision. God used one particular season of my life to show me these truths.
After years of intense study, I neared the end of my training to become a Physician’s Assistant. For each student’s final clinical year, my school routinely sent students to sites throughout Texas to practice our skills through hands-on experience. I hoped to be assigned to the Houston area, where I had grown up. Since Houston is a huge city with many suburbs, I figured my chances were good. Instead, my lot fell to the small town of Childress in the Texas Panhandle—where I knew no one, and no one knew me.
When I discovered my clinic site, I felt stunned and afraid. Where was I supposed to live? Would I even have a friend in this windswept town? I imagined tumbleweed and creaky oil wells. I prayed, God, how could you do this to your daughter whom you say you love?!
But God wanted me to trust Him in this unknown town in order to fully experience His goodness.
Before I even arrived in Childress, the Lord showed up with provision of community. I learned through an email from my director that an orthopedic surgeon had offered to open up his home to students. I was invited to stay with him and his family. Answered Prayer #1.
From the moment I arrived at the surgeon’s home in Childress, I was greeted by my new roommate Alyssa, a PA student from another school’s program. Alyssa would be living, commuting, and learning with me over the next weeks. Soon Alyssa and I connected through our common faith in Christ. Answered Prayer #2.
As Alyssa and I chose a local church community to visit, we soon found ourselves worshipping on Sunday right next to our preceptor, Dr. Pratt, who was also a believer. Answered Prayer #3. I hadn’t even been in Childress for a whole week!
God continued providing throughout my time in Childress. Alyssa and I went to Dr. Pratt’s home regularly where we ate dinner with his wife and their three incredible children. We enjoyed many movie nights and time at a local ranch. This city girl even learned how to skeet shoot! Meanwhile, God taught me skills in family medicine, expanding my knowledge of healthcare through the varied patients seeking medical help in a small town. My Maker was in control, fully present and active in my life.
Throughout my time in Childress, my fears of loneliness were replaced by awe at seeing God’s kindness. Sure, the physical isolation from friends and family was real, but it wasn’t the complete picture. God promised in Isaiah 41:10: “Do not fear, for I am with you.” God is always present, He is always with us, and He is always good, so we need not fear.
I’m still waiting for the happily-ever-after, though. I still battle feelings of loneliness as a single woman now living in Houston years later. I’ve spent many nights frantically looking for fun plans or friend hangouts to avoid another night on my own. Sometimes I even yell at God in my frustration. Why do I have to eat another meal by myself? Can I still trust your faithfulness when I have to deal with this flat tire alone?
God keeps showing up with His steadfast love and provision. Families invite me over for meals. Kind friends help me with repairs when I ask. God is still good. He proved that by suffering worse loneliness than I can imagine: Jesus was separated from the Father during his time on the cross. All because of his steadfast love for his children. And nothing—including feelings of loneliness—can ever drive a wedge between us and His incredible love.
—Tanna Vayon is a PA in the Houston area.
