“You’re pregnant,” said my OBGYN. “But, it’s ectopic.” How could such joyful news crash so hard and fast? The pain on my right side had been growing for days, but I hadn’t known I was pregnant. I experienced a painful miscarriage because the baby had implanted outside my uterus.
This ectopic pregnancy was the difficult beginning of my journey with infertility. My husband and I had been married a few years and longed for children. The news of this scary loss brought us to our knees, asking God for hope and healing.
Following our miscarriage, we waited six months to allow for healing, both physically and emotionally, before trying to conceive again. Little did we know, we were just beginning our walk through the dark valley of infertility. We entered a season of intense longing and waiting over many years for God to answer our prayers to grow our family.
We soon discovered I have a condition affecting ovulation, making cycle tracking nearly impossible. This condition was one of the many challenges God allowed us to face, teaching us to release control in the process of trying to conceive. Month after month passed with negative pregnancy tests.
After another year, we visited a fertility clinic, exploring options to improve our chances of getting pregnant. This new chapter required deeper trust in God as I began shots and medication to stimulate ovulation. Anyone who has experienced infertility understands the intense longing and pain of waiting. The pain wasn’t just the “no” so far to our prayers, but the “unknown” of our future dreams—would we ever have children? Calling out to God for his presence and the gift of life became a constant cry of our hearts. Our church often sang “Goodness of God,” and the lyrics became a lifeline in our darkest valley of longing:
“Cause all my life You have been faithful;
And all my life You have been so, so good.
With every breath that I am able,
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God.”
This part of our infertility journey felt like a constant wrestling match. I wrestled with believing in God’s goodness while He didn’t answer our prayers for a child in the way we expected.
After another year and countless tests, shots, and medications, the question of whether we’d ever conceive loomed larger than ever. My husband and I prayed for clarity, asking God to guide us toward growing our family, perhaps through IVF. We decided to take a few months off medication to pray.
I’ll never forget the call from the nurse the day before we planned to start the IVF process. She asked me to take one last pregnancy test. Reluctantly, I agreed; negative pregnancy tests had become so painful to me. While I waited for the results, I knelt on my bathroom floor with my Bible. The Lord put Psalm 33 on my heart. Verses 20-22 resonated deeply with me: “We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you.”
A supernatural peace settled over me. The idea of my hope resting in God, whatever He had planned, was overwhelming. When I stood, I was shocked to see a positive pregnancy test—the first in the years since my miscarriage. It was such a sweet answered prayer.
Not only did we discover that we were pregnant the day before intending to start IVF, but our baby was also due on our wedding anniversary—a beautiful reminder of God’s sovereign hand. While overjoyed, we also feared another miscarriage. We chose to trust God’s goodness, placing our hope in Him as we walked through pregnancy.
We welcomed our sweet daughter, Piper, in 2021. But God’s blessings didn’t stop there. Seven months postpartum, I became pregnant with Josie, followed by my pregnancy with Tatum eight months later.
Three little girls in less than three years, after years of infertility, felt miraculous. God’s goodness has been so evident in the gift of each child.
Infertility profoundly changed us, deepening our joy and gratitude for parenthood and our compassion for others on their own journeys of waiting for children. Even in the valley, we trusted God’s goodness. And while prayers aren’t always answered in our timing or way, God’s goodness remains constant. “May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you.”
—Kaitlyn Wurzbach lives in Dallas and serves on the board of Sacred Story. She is also the co-author of Beautiful Surrender: Singleness & Marriage in the Book of Ruth.
