Nancy’s Story:
My sister Emily and I shared the same bedroom growing up and lived together after college. When she married and had young children, our relationship was fairly close. But after her children grew older and graduated from college, we only talked sporadically for the next ten plus years.
Despite my efforts to connect with Emily, the gap between us widened over another decade. Though we shared the memories of our childhood, we didn’t share a sense of the reality of God in our lives. I relied on Christ for my salvation and my daily struggles, but Emily and her family didn’t share that faith perspective.
I never stopped wanting us to be close. Then, in God’s kindness and providence, Emily visited my family in Virginia in the fall of 2022. Our time together was sweet, reminding me what a gift she was. Emily had a way of bringing joy into a room, and we had a lot of fun during her visit. My two youngest grandchildren met Aunt Emily and enjoyed her, too.
A month later, Emily arranged for a family video call on Zoom. She shared a carefully scripted announcement of her very recent diagnosis of terminal pancreatic cancer. She also shared her needs intentionally with all of us:
She only wanted joyful, hopeful conversations and no suggestions about alternative treatments.
After this shocking announcement, I reached out to Emily with texts, cards and occasional gifts and phone calls. At times, I prayed with her. Sadly, I sensed little resonance of God’s reality and comfort in her life.
The last time I saw Emily was a month before she passed away. Before my visit, I prayed for God to give me the words to comfort her and send her peacefully into His arms. Emily had asked for only joyful, hopeful conversations, but as I prayed with her, I shed heartfelt tears, even though I rarely cry in any circumstance.
Emily and I spoke with kindness to one another, and we hugged each other and said, “I love you.” Still, the deep connection I longed for wasn’t there. I wasn’t sure about her journey after death. Emily died in May 2023, seven months after her diagnosis.
My crippled relationship with Emily over recent years causes me to feel disconnected from her family and limited in my ability to comfort them as I would like. Naturally, Emily’s husband, daughter and son continue to grieve deeply, a source of deep sadness for me. Without faith in Christ to anchor them, they seem to have little hope.
Because Emily and I drifted apart for many years, I haven’t grieved her loss as deeply as I wish I could have. My grief includes the loss of what could have been. The priceless value of deep family relationships has become painfully clear to me in this time following Emily’s death.
I know God is moved with compassion for Emily’s family. He understands my sadness over my inability to comfort them and my grief for what could have been in my relationship with my sister. And in the midst of the darkness, I cling to the hope that one day God “will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; grief, crying, and pain will be no more, because the previous things have passed away” (Revelation 21:4).
As we gather for occasions in the future with Emily’s family, I pray I will be the light of Christ to comfort them and that He will guide my words. I also pray for God to mend my loss from my fractured past relationship with Emily.
In these months since her death, I’ve sensed God leading me to keep making efforts to maintain and develop relationships in my life, even the hard ones. As I spend time in deep meditation hearing His voice through His Word, I hope to have wisdom in initiating deeper family relationships in Christ’s name.
What to Read Next …
About Grief and Loss … Autism, Grief and Hope and Safely Home with Jesus
About Family Members Who Don’t Share Your Faith … The Most Dangerous Prayer
About Loved Ones with Cancer … What to Say to a Friend with a Cancer Diagnosis
