Kimberly’s Story:
As new empty nesters, my husband Tim and I had recently been through some difficult years in our marriage. We were at a crossroads, asking, “What’s next?”
Since our parents and adult children were all living on the east coast, we decided to move. Selling our Colorado house allowed Tim to pursue his dream of building a “barndominium” on his parents’ property in Virginia.
While Tim was living with his parents during the construction of the barndo, I lived with my parents in Pittsburgh, where I had grown up. Early on in our time apart, Tim told me he wasn’t sure he ever wanted me to join him in Virginia. He reminded me of mistakes and bad decisions I had made in the past that had damaged our marriage and family. Our marriage seemed over, and I felt alone.
My future looked bleak and uncertain, but life in Pittsburgh was pleasantly distracting. I worked out often and reconnected with my sisters and old friends. Back in Colorado, our family had been attending a non-denominational church, and I wanted to find something similar in Pittsburgh. A family friend named Sherrie introduced me to some local churches, and I found one I liked. Several things were going well, but I still felt sad and worried about my marriage.
For my birthday that fall, Sherrie gave me a Jesus Calling devotional I started reading. Later that month at a worship service, I was singing worship songs when the pastor stopped the music. He shared he sensed the Holy Spirit showing him that a woman in the service today was going through something difficult. He said she would be changed, and she should have hope. The pastor also promised to pray for the woman, and to my shock, he described what I was wearing! Of course, I began crying and wanted to crawl into a hole. Despite my embarrassment, I felt hope and encouragement.
I shared this story with Sherrie, my husband and my son. Up to that point, I had been learning about God, but now I was beginning a personal relationship with God.
Along with Jesus Calling, I began reading my Bible in the book of Proverbs and journaling every day. I enjoyed writing, even though I hadn’t kept a journal since childhood. Verses came alive for me, and I often wrote them on sticky notes, posting them around the house. I thought about what they meant and memorized many of them. In my hunger to know God, I also listened to Christian podcasts and music.
I still had doubts and fears concerning my marriage. What would I do if my husband left me? How would I support myself? How could I tell my family and friends? My new devotional habits provided peace and encouragement. But I knew I needed the Holy Spirit to keep working in my relationship with God and with my husband.
About this time, I decided to pursue Christian counseling through my church. Although I was assigned a counselor young enough to be my daughter, it was so freeing to share my struggles with someone who didn’t know all the past baggage. She listened well and made some good suggestions. Best of all, she prayed with me.
The Holy Spirit also led me to write letters to my two young adult children. I shared how I felt I had let them down as a parent, but also how I was growing closer to God. All I hoped for in return was a simple “I forgive you.” What an amazing exercise that was for me! I couldn’t reverse past mistakes, but I could acknowledge them and seek God’s help for change.
As I continued to read the Word daily, journal, memorize scripture and seek to follow God’s Word, my life was changing. But my marriage was still stagnant.
Then my church announced a one-day workshop on The Five Love Languages with Dr. Gary Chapman. Though Tim and I were already familiar with love languages, we had never done any counseling or retreats together in the past. Wanting to show Tim I still cared about our marriage, I asked him if he would be willing to go to the workshop with me. He agreed.
The workshop provided a catalyst for some important conversations between us. I also told him that I had written letters to the kids. Something was thawing between us. God was working.
Over the next few months, I moved from Proverbs to Psalms, and my journaling habit expanded into a prayer and gratitude record. As God’s Word soaked into my mind and character, I noticed I was feeling better about myself and encouraging my kids.
Though there was still uncertainty about my marriage, I knew I was going to be okay because of God’s love for me. Though I wasn’t perfect, God had brought me to a healthy place physically, emotionally and spiritually. With his presence and the support of friends and family, I knew I would never be alone again.
In time, Tim asked me to come to Virginia to “give it a go.” When I first arrived, Tim had grown accustomed to living without me, to visiting bars and chatting with bartenders. But he was willing to make changes, and so was I. I haven’t expected our marriage to be perfect, but since then we’ve been growing. I am learning to show grace and mercy, because God has shown perfect grace and mercy to me.
There is no going back, only forward. My relationships with my family and children are stronger than ever, and I’m building new friendships in Virginia. In all these relationships, I am open about past struggles. Most importantly, I have an unbreakable bond with my Lord and Savior. Though I still make mistakes, I know now that nothing will stop Jesus from loving and forgiving me.
Photo by Robert Thiemann on Unsplash
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