CJ’s Story:
Justice Kalena Lockett was the name given to me at birth. I was born into a family surrounded by trauma. My dad was arrested for capital murder. He went to trial for murder where he was found not guilty. When he returned, our home became a dangerous place for me, my brother, and my sister. My parents fought about everything. My dad even pulled a gun in one of his drunken rages. Eventually a judge intervened, and we were sent away to live with our maternal grandparents.
Twelve people lived in a three-bedroom house. My Mawmaw was a hoarder which made her home very dirty. My older cousin began sexually abusing me daily for four years. I stopped wearing shorts, skirts, and dresses in first grade because I felt gross. I didn’t want anyone to know, and I honestly didn’t know what happened was abuse. I failed first grade because I couldn’t read. Looking back, the abuse crippled my ability to retain the information. I received tutoring at summer school which enabled me to read a little so I could go to second grade.
Just before second grade, my Dad shared the news that we would live in his home. I was so happy, and my life appeared to be “normal.” I thought we were safe. I soon discovered otherwise. Tragically, my dad used and abused me. I lived with my dad for about six months when I had to start sharing my bed with older guys. My dad let me drink with the men he brought over. He let them make me bleed and bruise. This cycle was over and over again.
I was introduced to the Lord at a young age but my concept of Him was skewed. I was confused because I was hearing things in church from my dad who was a deacon and from the pastor. At home my dad had a double life. I wanted nothing to do with the Christian faith even though I was in church every time the doors were open.
I was in 7th grade the first time I wanted to die. I felt so dirty. As years went by, I felt like there was a huge target on my back. I was assaulted by a substitute teacher in high school, and I no longer felt safe at school. My mom entered a relationship with a man who began abusing my sister and myself and my dad continued his abuse.
I started cutting, and I began to try to control the one thing I could: food. My life was consumed with body abuse. I was 15 when I entered a hospital because I tried to kill myself. When I was about 17, I started having sex with random guys. Nothing was working to take away my pain or emptiness. I wanted a do over.
I graduated high school broken and confused. Uncertain where my life was headed, I turned down a full scholarship to play basketball at a school. I thought that I couldn’t leave because I was carrying a lot of baggage. I decided to stay close to home and my decision still haunts me.
I stopped attending church and praying. I was trying to fill the God-sized hole with everything but the Lord. I went down a very rebellious path. I had a three-year long relationship with a married man. I ended up getting pregnant and having an abortion which I thought I’d never do. Heartbroken, I finally found the courage to end the relationship.
Fast forward to my time attending Hardin-Simmons University. I felt that the things that I had done and the things that had happened were too much; I could never be loved by Christ or good enough for Him. I thought life wasn’t worth living anymore so I attempted to end my life.
That summer I left college and moved to Dallas, Texas, where I knew no one. I thought I could start over, but the lies which held me captive led to a deeper spiral. I lived in my car for eight months because I had no job. When I was younger and I didn’t know what to do, I went to church. I attended one of the biggest churches in Dallas, and when I reached out, they were at a loss about how to help me. I felt alone and confused.
While living in my car I was approached by a man who told me I didn’t have to sleep in my car. I only needed to go on a few “dates” which I had no clue why. That night I was sold for the first time, and I still am working through the anger at myself. I lived like that for about five months before I had had enough. I made another attempt on my life.
Before I knew it two years had passed. My life hit below rock bottom. I was being trafficked, and I thought there was no way out. My trafficker made me feel like no one cared about or loved me. He kept me isolated.
I met a lady named Sarah from an organization called Rescue Her. She asked what I needed; in that moment, I honestly didn’t know. When she told me she was there for me no matter what, I felt a glimmer of hope. That day I didn’t leave my trafficker, and he soon shared with me that people were flying in to take me to a new location.
May 5 was the worst day of my life as I was trafficked all day and all night. At the same time, God was working to deliver me. I had been attending a gathering called New Friends, New Life. The leaders had become aware of my situation and they had already put into motion plans to send me to a treatment center. When I protested, they stood firm. I call May 6th my Freedom Day.
I started my journey of healing by going to two treatment centers. I worked on myself for the first time. I faced my trauma and my eating disorder; it was very difficult. I begin to understand why I behaved the way I did. Because my advocates and therapist feared I would go back to the life that I was living, they began to seek long term care, and applied for me to go to a place for survivors of trafficking in Houston. To my surprise I was accepted.
I began the process of long-term healing at the Elijah Rising Restorative program. I had ups and downs, but I am extremely grateful for the chance to be in a healing environment. While at the Elijah Rising program and through my advocates at Rescue Her, I saw God in a whole new way. Everyone was patient with me even when I wasn’t patient with myself. They prayed for me and with me.
The program director introduced us to the show The Chosen and other biblical shows. As I asked questions, I decided I wanted to live differently. I listened to what people were saying about a relationship with Jesus Christ. I put my faith in Him. I stopped trying to take my life and instead I gave control to the One who has already saved me. I knew that having a relationship with Jesus was the only way I could be truly healed. I was baptized at the Elijah Rising office one year to the day I entered the program.
I legally changed my name to be free from my past. I am who I am because of what happened to me. However, my traumatic experiences do not define who I am or who I am becoming. Trauma didn’t crush me. Instead of being on the brink of suicide, I now have so much to live for. When I have bad days and want to die, I know that there is a tomorrow and God has good plans for me. I have experienced a lot of hard things, but I am not letting my pain be an excuse to let Satan win.
When I get down on myself, I remember what Jesus did for me on the cross. He took my shame and abuse upon Himself when he died on the cross. Instead of seeing myself as unworthy, I see myself as a daughter of a King, Jesus. I will spend forever with the best Father I will ever have: GOD. My earthly father failed me again and again, but my Father in Heaven never fails me. My name is Carly Justice Strong, and I am finally free.
Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalm 103:12 as far as the east is from the west so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
