On May 24, 2009, we welcomed our second daughter, Lindsay, into this world but then three days later had to let her go into the arms on Jesus due to a rare metabolic condition. In this short time, I experienced the highest of joys and then the deepest of grief. As I look back over the past two and half years, I clearly see God with us in our journey through grief and also how He helped me to trust Him to begin healing and have great hope for our future.
The first time I opened my Bible after Lindsay’s death was several days after her funeral. It was the middle of the night and my husband and other daughter were sleeping. “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Cor. 4: 16-18 (NIV) practically leapt of the page. I knew Lindsay was safe in Heaven with Jesus, and although I did not and could not understand why this had happened, these verses gave me peace that God knew and was with me.
Over the next two years, God showed me so many verses that met me right where I was, whatever I was feeling or struggling with. As I struggled with why, medical details, and what the future might hold, He showed me Colossians 3:2, “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” and also Philippians 4:6-8, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.”
Through this experience I felt a need to connect with those who have had similar experiences with infant loss and tragedy. In times of trouble it’s comforting to know that others are there to pray for you and share how the Lord encouraged them through their most desperate hours. God provided this not only through our church, but also through M.E.N.D., a Christian support group for families experiencing neonatal loss. As God helped me move forward through grief, He has even given me the opportunity to reach out and minister to others who have gone through similar situations.
This year my faith has again been put to the test. With great joy I learned in April that I was pregnant. This summer as we awaited confirmation that our unborn son did not have the same metabolic condition as Lindsay, I held onto another verse God showed me, Jeremiah 32:17, “Ah, Sovereign LORD, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you.” The Lord provided strength and encouragement through each moment, and now I am praising Him for answering my prayer. We welcomed our son into our lives and rejoiced over God’s gift.